The turn-off effect

By A.G.Billig
Mar 28th, 2014

largeThere is one thing that has a turn-off effect on both women and men. And that is a desperate attitude. Desperate for love, for being in a romantic relantionship. Women will try (although I’d rather say push) their luck by using physical attraction: flashy smile, provocative clothes, longing eyes, a tooth brush brought over from the first stay over (because, she says,  she always cleans her teen after eating). A man will appeal to a woman’s vanity, soul and learned cliches. Of course, he will deny being desperate for a relationship. He will also pose as a misunderstood and hurt guy as soon as the coveted woman figures him out.

I speak from experience, I’ve met such a guy. I have known him for several years. At some point, we lost track of each other. Until, one day, he found me on Facebook. I had always admired this man for his brains and his professional achievements and I gladly accepted  his friend request. At the beginning, the conversation was pleasant and entertaining, But, along the way, it changed, turning into a compatibility test. He was happy to see that we had so much in common – passion for reading, travelling, the need for freedom. He figured me out in my fictional characters. He read some of the stories on my blog and drew the conclusion that I had never loved anyone in my life. He told me that we were so much alike. That I was so easy to talk to. He offered to help me – in anyway he could, and to interview me.  It never took him more than a couple of minutes to say hi and start conversation with me the moment I went online.

The interview day arrived. Of course, there was no interview – all questions were sent by e-mail, but a long conversation about himself and some suggestive touches of my hand. I was crystal clear about the whole thing. You may think I am crazy:


Well, with such a man,  desperate man, there is plenty. Remember the moments when you instantly like someone without being able to tell why. Or just the opposite. You can not stand that person even though it’s a stranger. There is scientific evidence that all people radiate energy which we pick up without being aware. This energy mixed with certain actions helps us tell right away when somebody is desperate for love

The reason why desperate people are such a turn-off is that they are so low on energy that they will feed themselves from anyone who falls under their spell. And your body senses it, dislikes it and wants to run away.  Although they say they have good intentions (and at conscious level they probably do), they are not out there for giving, nurturing or growing a healthy relationship but for filling in their inner void. They will constantly need your presence and attention and they will act hurt the moment you deny them those two, trying to make you feel guilty or pick up a fight and finally get them what they want: your energy. This is not because they are bad people but because there is something missing in their life. Somewhere, along the road, they betrayed themselves or never took the time to find out who they really are, their purpose in life.

If you recognise yourself in this text, make sure you become complete before aspiring to have relationship. And remember that the opposite to desperate is …happy!


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