By A.G.Billig
Jan 26th, 2017


To all of you out there being angry, impatient, out of faith: it’s alright to feel like this now and then. But don’t allow these emotions take over because, although they’ll go away, their ravaging effects may stay. People who don’t give love end up giving excuses. You don’t believe me? Then be prepared to learn it the hard way and lose someone dear.

There is a saying where I come from: you kill me first, then you apologize. It means that once you do or say something that’s hurtful to other people, excuses are not enough to mend the situation. It’s like smashing a vase to the ground. In most cases, by the time you realize it was a stupid reaction to an old wound, all you can do is to put the broken pieces in the trash bin.

Other people don’t have to understand you. If they truly love you, they will, for a while. They don’t have to support you on your road to self-discovery. Their life is already complicated, they don’t need more misery. They are allowed to take things personally, same as you did when you’ve decided to cut them off in the cruelest way. They don’t have to forgive you, and even if they do, they don’t have to be your friends or like you anymore.

You’ll try to fool yourself into believing that it wasn’t meant to be, but deep in your heart, you’ll know the truth. You’ll remember that soft voice you’ve heard when you’ve written that unkind message or uttered those cruel words saying:

Don’t do it. Be patient. Have faith.

But you’ve chosen to ignore it. Being right and righteous was more important than being happy. Cutting off the disrespectful, the liar, the cheater. But what you actually did was to cut yourself off from love. One more time. Add more bricks to the wall around your heart. That’s why the next day you feel so bad you want to die.

Each time you cut someone off you cut off a piece of your heart. Each time you strangle a human connection you choke your soul. No encounter is random. The people we meet are our teachers and mirrors. What if the person you decide to cut off is there to teach you about patience and trust? What if you had a little patience. And faith? Things would just fall into place.

So, you send a message saying you are sorry. And hope for forgiveness. But you’re not in a soap opera and the response you’re hoping for may never come. After a couple of days, you realize you have to let go. As your eyes become moist, you hear again that soft voice in your head:

Don’t worry, it will come back.

The lessons we don’t learn, keep coming back. One sunny day, you’ll feel alive again, butterflies in your stomach and all. The one you like the most will challenge you again, the most. Only this time, you will act from a place of love and kindness. And although your ways may part, you will still be joyous because you’ve stayed true to who you are: love.

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